The real work begins

Okay, I've had a bit of a break, I got out of town for a while (even got to visit the old ancestral home), recovered from a bit of a breakdown, but now it's nose-to-the-grindstone time. My thesis is due in just a little under one month from now.

And it's a big one.

Not content with simply writing and submitting the usual 10,000 word paper, I've decided to write an entire textbook for the course that I teach back home. In just a little under one month.

Needless to say I probably won't be blogging as much as I used to...

First draft is due May 14, so expect only sporadic entries until then. The final draft is due June 25.

Wish me luck.

Things I will miss

1. 'Mind the gap'.
2. The constant but reassuring sound of trains.
3. Magpies. (Yes, I know most people despise them, but I think they're actually rather beautiful creatures.)
4. This is a much shorter list, isn't it?
5. The miniature United Nations that is the MA-MBM cohort 2006-07.
6. The miniature United Nations that is Flat 88, with representatives from Palestine, India, England, the U.S.A., Ireland and Canada (among others).
   
7. The extensive selection of surprisingly delicious "FreeFrom" (gluten-free) products from the local supermarket.
8. Waddles the Penguin on my coffee cup.
9. Harrow-on-the-Hill and St. Mary's.
10. Tom, the campus cat.
11. Northwick Park.
12. The commute to Baker St. and Marylebone Road.
13. The Wednesday evening pub sessions.

Three more sleeps

It's been a while since I posted, and frankly it's been a while since I've felt remotely normal enough to post. So here goes nothing.

I've spent most of the last couple of weeks recovering. Not that I'm back up to 100%, of course, but close enough that I feel up to blogging (briefly) and I can go out and about playing tourist for the last few days of my stay in London.

I still feel lightheaded on occasion, kind of hovering on the edge of reality. It's an odd sensation. I don't know what causes it, whether it is a physical or a psychological side effect, but I am willing to bet it's the former; it probably has to do with my body adjusting to my new way of breathing, which to be honest I haven't quite mastered yet. So an ongoing imbalance/changing balance of CO2 and oxygen in my lungs is probably making my eyes wobbly, and my head as well. It comes and goes and there seems to be very little predictability about it; mostly it happens in the morning when I wake up, and lasts for a few hours until noonish, but then sometimes it just seems to happen of its own accord, like right now (it's about 8:15 pm GMT as I write). Maybe I'm just dehydrated and need more water, too.

Oddly enough I feel in full control of my faculties, and I'm not taking any drugs (though I was given a prescription last week in case of emergency) so it doesn't feel like a psychological thing; that's why I assume it's physiological.

As I wrote in an e-mail to my team yesterday:

On the plus side, the panic attack has been a wonderful demonstration of how crippling my addictions to safety, security, control, 'normalcy' (whatever that is), etc., are. I am using this experience to conduct a deeper inquiry into the way I am.

So my stay ends with a bang, at least, and not a whimper!

The next two days -- my last in London for quite a while -- will be very busy, as you might guess, seeing off friends and packing and and sight-seeing and generally preparing to leave on Saturday.