I've spent most of the last couple of weeks recovering. Not that I'm back up to 100%, of course, but close enough that I feel up to blogging (briefly) and I can go out and about playing tourist for the last few days of my stay in London.
I still feel lightheaded on occasion, kind of hovering on the edge of reality. It's an odd sensation. I don't know what causes it, whether it is a physical or a psychological side effect, but I am willing to bet it's the former; it probably has to do with my body adjusting to my new way of breathing, which to be honest I haven't quite mastered yet. So an ongoing imbalance/changing balance of CO2 and oxygen in my lungs is probably making my eyes wobbly, and my head as well. It comes and goes and there seems to be very little predictability about it; mostly it happens in the morning when I wake up, and lasts for a few hours until noonish, but then sometimes it just seems to happen of its own accord, like right now (it's about 8:15 pm GMT as I write). Maybe I'm just dehydrated and need more water, too.
Oddly enough I feel in full control of my faculties, and I'm not taking any drugs (though I was given a prescription last week in case of emergency) so it doesn't feel like a psychological thing; that's why I assume it's physiological.
As I wrote in an e-mail to my team yesterday:
On the plus side, the panic attack has been a wonderful demonstration of how crippling my addictions to safety, security, control, 'normalcy' (whatever that is), etc., are. I am using this experience to conduct a deeper inquiry into the way I am.The next two days -- my last in London for quite a while -- will be very busy, as you might guess, seeing off friends and packing and and sight-seeing and generally preparing to leave on Saturday.
So my stay ends with a bang, at least, and not a whimper!
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