The learning begins

Classes haven't even officially begun yet and already I can feel my head expanding to accommodate all this new learning. For example:

• I learned that no matter where I go in the world, I have an appalling sense of direction and am total crap at reading maps. Especially if there are no constant visual reminders of directionality like, say, mountains, oceans, or a CN Tower. Oh, sure, London has a few tallish landmarks, but the streets are so narrow as to make them all but invisible unless you're right on top of them. And yes, there's the Thames -- but it snakes through the city in such a way that you can cross it several times while moving in a straight line.
• I learned that you cannot possibly travel in a straight line in London, except perhaps if you do it for less than 50 metres at a time, or if you can fly. As I walked from Westminster to Marylebone today I began to develop a theory that the British purposefully built the roads to thwart the German obsession with order and systematic organization, until I realized that the city has been around much longer than World War II.
  
• I subsequently learned that the cost of a transit ride in Vancouver is indeed a bargain at $2.25 -- considering that the ticket is valid for a full 90 minutes, enough to get you a return trip should it be required (and feasible) in that time, and considering that a ticket on the Tube here costs 3 quid, or just over $6.00 CDN... one way.
• I learned that the British have no qualms whatsoever about stating the reasons for service disruptions on the tube, now matter how likely they may be to inspire copycats. (This afternoon a voice over the PA drily announced, "Please be advised that service on the Circle line has been halted temporarily due to a man under a train." I kid you not.)
  
• I learned that trying to figure out the tube map is no fun at all if, like me, you are colour-blind. (Yes, they do all look the same to me, ass-face.)
• I learned that even the bog-standard British chain grocers like Sainsbury's are really catching on to Fair Trade, organic and whole foods, and that my colour-blindness contributes significantly to the relative crunchiness of any bananas I buy when shopping solo.
• I learned I should probably never shop alone for produce -- or clothing.
• I learned that colours notwithstanding, it's a damned good thing I bought these reading glasses. If the streets of London are that small, imagine how microscopic they appear in the Collins Pocket Atlas of London.
  
• I learned that the pricing of some British goods looks like an absolute bargain, until you do the conversion to dollars. And I learned you should never attempt the math with a mouthful of hot coffee, having just paid 1 pound 40 for this morning's appallingly watery swill. (I take back what I said the other day about surprisingly good coffee. It must have been the desperation talking.) If I get that desperate again I may be forced to try a local Starbucks.
• Finally, although this is not so much new learning but rather another new half-baked theory: I suspect that whoever invented button-fly jeans must have been a man, andonce upon a time he must have accidentally pinched his wedding tackle in a zipper. Nothing else can justify such a cruel device. (Speaking of fashion disasters: my new favourite blog is fugly! Thanks to the BBC for the tip.)
  

I slept like a proverbial log last night and awoke at 7:00 AM to the sounds of rain. Foolishly thinking the forecast might be accurate, I was ill prepared for the summery heat (26 degrees!) and the humidity when I set out on my two-hour walkabout. Thus the only reason I got wet was from sheer perspiration, although at least I managed to postpone buying an umbrella for yet another day.

As a result of my newly acquired musk scent I wasn't exactly in the most sociable of moods when eventually I stumbled upon the Marylebone campus and attended the Welcome Programme registration session for international students. Still, it wasn't a total loss; there was free food (well, what was left of it by the time I arrived) and wine. Tempting though the latter was, I limited myself to half a glass of red. I should have helped myself to one of the remaining full bottles on the way out, but alas, hindsight is 20/20. All things considered I am demonstrating remarkably restraint so far. Perhaps this is what it means to be a "mature student."

Incidentally my dear friend Sharon -- who reminds me it is now nigh 20 years since we first met (!!!) -- e-mailed me the other day to remind me just how small the world really is: it turns out that her good friend Kirsty is the International Student Advisor, and organizer of said Welcome Week activities for us International newbies. Nevertheless I didn't introduce myself to her tonight due to my malodorous state, and because she clearly had her hands full already.

What else? I'm sure I'm forgetting something... let's see. I'm currently at Wigram House, Ashley Gardens, on Thirleby Road near Victoria. I'm here until Friday morning, at which point I move to my more permanent residence in Harrow. I'll be sending out phone & snail-mail contact details when I arrive and confirm them. Keep those e-mails coming. Care packages welcome.

Meanwhile It was frustrating to call my Sharon and Ian and not be able to leave a call back number, since there are no phones in the rooms and I'm not even sure what the number is at the front desk. I'm debating what to do about the telephone situation, i.e., do I invest in a mobile on a pay-as-you-go basis or not? Another quandary. I would have left my current mobile number, which I brought with me, but it'd cost either of them long distance to Canada and it'd also cost me plenty for the roaming charges. Amazing how they get us both with the charges, isn't it? That's capitalism for you. But let's face it, I'm addicted to my telecommunications. As loyal readers will note, I get rather tetchy without an internet connection. Thank goodness for the (free! and reliable!) wi-fi here in the residence rooms. (Last week, while working out budgets with D., we realized that we spend something like a combined $300 per month if you add up the dual cell phones, long distance, ISP, web host(s), land line, fax line, etc. Good thing I don't have a Crackberry.)

I'm already settling in somewhat, considering the temporary nature of the accommodations which I am sharing with at least one creature of the insectoid variety; it didn't look exactly like a cockroach, more like a cricket actually (and about the same size), although it's hard to tell. It was either awfully quite for a cricket, or awfully noisy for a cockroach. Anyway. As Dr. Baby knows, I am nothing if not a creature of habit so a bit of routine and structure is important -- so I picked up some peanut butter, muesli and soy milk to go with my Montreal bagels (thanks, Mom!). Also been doing a bit of shopping for some of the other necessities I had to leave behind, given baggage size & weight restrictions. More specifically I've picked up the necessary adapters to keep my laptop & other toys powered -- priorities, y'know.

I'm sure there are other issues of vital importance I'm forgetting, but they'll have to wait for now. It's only 9:45 or so GMT, but I want to make an early start tomorrow. If it's nice out I'll be grateful for the additional exercise (if I dare retrace the route I took home from Marylebone), if not I'll have to jostle with the crowds on the morning tube -- and pay another 3 quid for the dubious privilege. I'm nothing if not stubborn.

I'd sign off but I can't write a blog from England without thinking of a particular comedy sketch (I think it might have been on Conan O'Brien) wherein a pseudo-George Bush, visiting his buddy Tony Blair, kept cackling that he was "calling from the future. I'm five hours ahead of Eastern time, eight hours ahead of Pacific time. I'm a President from the future, heh heh heh."

Guess you had to be there. Ta ta for now.